In the first part, we took a brief look at grief – what it is, what it does, and who experiences it. As we noted before, everyone on this planet will experience grief at some point in their life, often multiple times. Grief disrupts our normal patterns, causes us pain, and can lead to serious physical and emotional problems. So, how do we deal with grief?

First, grief is normal. Just because we are feeling a loss does not automatically make grief a negative experience or something to be avoided. But no matter how hard we try, grief cannot be avoided. Attempting to avoid it results in escapism, delaying the inevitable, which leads to unresolved issues of depression, anxiety, and anger.

Grief is also not permanent. As we noted in the last blog, grief is actually a time of transformation. It is a period of adjustment where we feel the loss and adjust our lives accordingly. For example, a young father of two who just lost his wife will experience a period of grief where he must learn to adapt to life without his beloved wife. His children must also adapt to life without their mother. He will have to adjust his schedule, possibly look for different work, learn how to navigate childcare alone, and adapt to suddenly being a single parent all in addition to missing his partner, his beloved. He may have to ask for and accept help from friends and family. During this time of transition, he may have to make some hard choices about priorities and finances and may have to re-think long-held beliefs about a father’s place in the home. Eventually, he will have to address his children’s milestones alone and may have to wrestle with things like dating.

But sometimes we get lost in the loss. Our lives can be so disrupted that we become anxious or depressed, we might be unable to navigate the transformation and get stuck grieving, and we might even become physically ill. The time after losing a loved one has a heightened risk for both heart attack and suicide.

When we feel completely lost or overwhelmed with grief, when the world no longer seems to make sense, we have to ask for help. From friends, family, religious leaders, or other trusted people. Counselors can help with the grieving process, helping us with the adjustments and guiding us through the process when we feel stuck. There are also support groups, usually geared towards a specific type of loss (like cancer support groups, divorce support groups, and even groups formed to support the victims of a specific traumatic event like a terrorist attack or plane crash). Online forums can also provide support and are a great place to find information and resources.

In cases of extreme grief – where the grief impairs your ability to function for an extended period of time – it may be beneficial to speak with a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication to ease symptoms. A counselor can help you decide if you need this step, as well as help you decide how much – if any – time off from work you might need. Many employers have Bereavement Leave (also called Grievance Leave), but it is often included as part of Sick/Vacation Leave and may be paid or unpaid. The severity of grief can greatly impact one’s ability to work, to concentrate on work, and job performance. In some cases, extreme grief may require a temporary leave of absence from the workplace or a change to a different job.

It’s never easy to ask for help, particularly when we’re facing things that seem insurmountable. Things like the loss of a spouse, the loss of a sense like eyesight or the loss of a limb, and even the loss of a home can all deal us blows that make us reel. But while the loss may feel overwhelming, it is not permanent. You can adapt, and counselors can help you make the most of that transformation.